Outlaw Territory

Whee! I say. Whee!!!!!
Hooray for Gay Marriage in California!

Serious tornadic rotation over Cedar Park. Chris is on the phone with Heather who is alone in the bathroom, the storm is going over her and probably gonna go right over Parmer fucking Woods.  I hope mom is zonked out on Risperdal.
The kids are totally tweaking.
Jim Spencer is having a great deal of fun with his lighting radar.
Big time fun. Sort of. Not really.

 Travis County is under a tornado warning. Owen is flipped the fuck out when the emergency broadcast thing hit the screen. Not that I blame him particularly, but he's taking it to extremes.  Also, he found a HUGE green caterpillar. I mean like four inches long and really fat. And bright green.

Today in the car I was listening to NPR. Evan was in the back seat. A woman was reading an essay about being a woman like Hillary Clinton. Hardworking, stalwart, sticktoitness.  She said, among many things, that society valued long legs rather than long vision, hard bodies rather than hard work, sexual power rather than staying power.  Evan piped up from the back seat and asked, "Do I have sexshul power? What kind of power do you have mommy?" I did a spit take. I did not answer that question.

Owen does his homework better when he wears an iPod.  I don't.  He's currently rocking out to Journey. Head bobbing and all.

Owen has a karate belt test next week. Instead of practicing, he's decided to make up a new martial arts form called "Jodi"  instead of Judo.  He wants us to watch him do his karate class. We want to talk with the cool Equity Texas parents. I'm gonna have lunch with the political director and do me up some networking.

Owen and Evan punched the crap out of each other tonight. I find this somehow heartening, cause they make friends so quickly after.  I like this way of dealing with conflict.

They played hard tonight, and barring any tornadoes, I think they'll sleep hard too.

I just returned from a meeting of the UT Gender and Sexuality Center. Kim Pearson and her son Shawn, of TransYouth Family Allies spoke to a small group of us.  It was really astounding.  Some interesting snippets.  Most people, when you mention trans or gender identity issues act as if it is a very rare and uncommon thing to happen  (if they've heard of it at all).  Most of the research on gender variance was done 30 years ago solely on men transitioning surgically to women. Kim said that historically 80% of people experiencing some measure of gender dysphoria didn't transition at all, but stayed closeted**** (See Kim's correct comments in the comment area.)

Current research is actually spotty, but estimates range from 1 in 500 to 1-250 people born do not fit the "binary" model of a boy's boy or a girl's girl. Maybe some of my peeps out there know more than I do, but that's what Kim's research had shown.

For comparison, she showed some stats on diseases that get shitloads of attention.  Juvenile Diabetes occurs in every 1 of 2000 people. Cystic Fibrosis, 1 in 13,000.  Not that she was in any way comparing gender identity issues to diseases mind you, but just to shed light on a myth that "it doesn't happen to anyone". It apparently happens quite a bit.

Kids know extremely early who they are. Gender identity isn't sexual orientation, or I should say they aren't necessarily the same thing.  I've always "known" for example that I was comfy as a girl, happy to be a girl. My best friend Amy, back in S.C. was not. In the two years I knew her, never wore girly clothes, cut her hair butch short and talked about wanting to be a boy. She was 7 when I met her.  If the desire to be different is persistent and consistent and there are acute reactions to having to "be your born gender", Kim says it ain't no phase.   I believe that.

The other thing I found interesting were her stories of her son Shawn. Shawn was born biologically female but from an early age, was incredibly resistant to dresses, dolls, long hair etc.  Her family rallied early and accepted Shawn's "odd" behavior and he thrived, basically living as a boy until puberty.  Lots of things went wrong as his body changed towards bio female, but his mind didn't. Anxiety and depression wreaked havoc on him until finally he came out and explained how he felt. 

The best thing she said was that she considered him an "affirmed male" that he didn't have to transition so much as the family had to. And they did. They've taken extremely good care of him through a very rough patch.  I found that incredibly respectful. "He didn't have to transition, he was already who he was, we had to."  He's a very well spoken cute young man.

So her non-profit was focused specifically on the little "t's" of the world. Kids who as young as 8 have such gender dysphoria that they are suicidal.  A 5 year old that she spoke of actually thought he could be a girl if he just didn't have a penis. You can imagine what he tried, unsucessfully thank goodness, to do to himself.  

She wasn't advocating just having kids pass as one gender instead of the other, not at all. She realized that the idea of early transitioning through hormones could be viewed by some as asking someone to pick one pole of the binary model. Lots of trans people don't want that. They want to be trans and obviously so, some are gender queer, some want to transition fully into "female" or "male" as notated culturally. Even more so, many of us noted in the discussion, we'd like to work on creating a world where a cis-male can have feminine attributes or a cis-female, male attributes. Where gender identity is allowed to range on a wider continuum. And personally? Where Owen can have a baby doll and not have to worry about getting his ass kicked.

Her agency is devoted to preventing suicides and violence in the community of trans kids.  I applaud her for that. 

It was an amazing presentation and I really felt so proud to be there and so proud of her as a mother and someone who could see past culturally layered on bull, in order to just love her kid and let him be who he was. 

The last bit was chilling to me though.  Kenneth Zucker is chairing the committee to revise the DSM's entry on Gender Identity issues.  Check this out for exposing his bias, and this on his belief that maternal psychopathy is to blame. Of course it is.

Dr. Norman Spack, in contrast wants to offer GID kids the opportunity to transition, or begin the transition early in life.  Here is a Q and A on that...and an NPR article on him and one on him and Zucker and how the treatments differ. I'd be going with Dr. Spack, though the right wingers are comparing him to Mengele. Nice.

Anyway, I know I'm an idealist, and I know the fear based answer to this question, but why is it such a fucking big deal??? How does your gender change mine? How does your gay marriage make my marriage somehow null and void.

I suppose it's the cooties right? Like I'm sure I'm covered with all kinds of trans cooties at the moment and they are going to spread.

 Kim said, at the very end that she goes to a reading group once a month, and there are a couple of women involved that will not look at her or touch her.  Ain't that the shit?  What a awesome meeting and what an awesome woman.  

I'd rather have trans cooties than fundamentalist bigot cooties, that's for sure.

I just slept for 16 hours. I had a nasty stomach bug. My hand hurts. I'm mad, moody and insecure.
You'd think that one day I'd learn, wouldn't you?
But, no. Learning isn't my strong suit. Neither apparently, is self-preservation.

Haps Haps Haps!!!!!!  Miss you, lady!

No matter what happens, I'm not drinking the kool-aid.  I'll find my own way. I'm sure of that at the moment.

Yep. It's important, all right.

I am over this illness/flu/sick bullshit.

I came home early. My boss wants me to stay home tomorrow.  I got home and the house was such a mess, so I cleaned it. Bad, bad me.

Rest.

During the Clinton/Obama debate:

Owen: I'm going to vote for Hillary Clinton.
Me: Why?
Owen: I'm tired of boy Presidents.

Wow.  That's fair. We'll work on the more subtle issues of dynastic corporatism in the Presidency later.

My truest love, dakwallah, goes away tomorrow for something important. I think he's ready.  I've done my best to help him get there  and also to get the house ready for the next three days of single parenting.

I won't talk much about what he's going to do, other than to say a bit seems to be riding on it.  I'm not that superstitious, but still. Being an agnostic means that while I certainly don't believe in old men or women or spaghetti monsters in the sky, I tend to assume that there is more going on, on both the micro and macro levels than any of us could comprehend or control.

I do believe however that sometimes there is a kind of path we follow and that given the things we can't comprehend or control...well..the right things happen, the right people are met and the right choices are made. Even though sometimes it appears as if the outcome was "wrong", I've found looking back that no, it actually was the right thing when you take what followed into consideration.

Wishful thinking? Primate mind just trying to make sense of the random weirdness of life?

Maybe.  It's what I've got though.

All I know is that I'm very proud of Chris. We are lucky, no matter the outcome. We are loved by lots of people either way.  We have each other, and that's the most important thing of all.

Send him your love, support, good vibes, groovy wishes this week...etc.

XO

My child needs a shoebox in order to make a receptacle for class valentines. He also needs a package of valentines to pass out. He also needs me to bring cupcakes to school for the party. He also still has a crush on the little girl in his class, though he now denies it as she apparently has a crush on someone else. He said to me, I wanted to buy her some make up or something, but she doesn't like me.

Sad.

I have very mixed feelings about this holiday. On the one hand, the hand that likes it, it is a holiday that breaks up the month. I like holidays purely for their distraction purposes. I'm an event person. I dislike months in which there are no frivolous markers, no days off, no "fun".  I also appreciate good marketing. I like prettily wrapped up candies and trinkets. I'm like a raccoon that way. Shiny, shiny!!!  I clap my hands.  i also love looking at fine restaurant's special menus for holidays. The things that chefs will come up with!
I like getting presents most of all, cause I'm a spoiled little diva. And I like giving them, too.

On the other hand....it is a dumb mass marketed day of manufactured romance.  Why save up for the one day? Why not take your lover out for a fine meal on March 2nd?  It makes women into whinebots or goddesses and men into schmucks or heroes, all based on what ring or bouquet or meal or lingerie are bought/worn/produced or not.

(Also? In high school? Since I was in band camp? I never got the sad, flaccid, carnationy Val-O-Grams.  HATE.
If you could see me now David and William.....oh how sad you'd be. Dorks.)

Anyway, point is. My child is in love and she loves him not. And he gets to start the process of passing out dumb ass cards and wondering if he'll get one from her.  I can remember all the way back to both 1st grade and Robbie Brewer, and 4th grade and Scott Waters....sigh. Robbie liked me but moved away before V-day. Scott didn't even sign his Snoopy card.

I've got lots of people in my life to love. I'm really super lucky that way. Even luckier? They love me back.   I hope that my eldest can manage to make it through next Thursday without too much heartbreak.

We had a really nice late dinner this weekend with some friends who have begun to prove themselves invaluable to us during our little wacked out crisis.

They've got a really nice house, three beautiful dogs (including a very sweet, very huge great dane), a nice guest room to put the kids to sleep in, and they are great cooks.  Plus they are funny as hell.

As today is MLK day, we are off from work so we've all just woken at our own pace and have been lounging, listening to the rain outside.  Coffee in hand, cartoons in the other room, and a computer on my lap.  Owen just made me a purse out of paper.  Classic little handbag.

I'm going to tidy up the house and stay on chat most of the day!  Yay!

It is a beautiful day today, crisp, cold and shiny.  I'm going for a walk with Lacey and also getting to have dinner with some good friends tonight and play with their HUGE Great Dane and sweet border collies.
Also?  Leftover El Regio for lunch. This all makes me happy.
The kids and I have been having really cool conversations about Dr. King. Chris and I have been having really cool conversations about Obama and Clinton. Wild stuff, yes? 

Have an excellent Sunday, work for good in the world and love your family and friends. That's an order.

XO

Kristin Firth is smart.  Thanks Kristin.

 Its not cold, either, but I'll take "not hot" over hot any day.
Since it was pretending to get chilly outside, I decided to make my roasted root vegetables thing tonight.
I added a delicata squash to the mix of onion, potato, sweet potato, garlic and carrots.
And sausage for some protein.
Butter, red wine, sea salt. Perfect. 
Visited with the McC's. I love watching our kids together. They are so good with each other, so kind.  We adults all just laughed over neighborhood issues and shared stories of child rearing.
Very nice.

HA! Wonderful!!!!

Chest cold, fever, icky.
He stay home and go to work with me and then I stay home with he.
Icky, fever, chest cold.